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A follow-up to “10 Signs You Should Dump Your Boyfriend“

A year and a half ago, I wrote an article, “10 Signs You Should Dump Your Boyfriend“. I had no idea that it would have such an impact on so many women. Women, young and old, have shared with me and others in the comments their toxic relationships and the difficulty they have had mustering their courage to leave behind men that obviously not only don’t love/care for them, but are toxic human beings. Some of the “relationships” have lasted for years, while others where only a few months old. Who is to blame for these toxic relationships? The women who desperately try to enact change in a man to get him to “act right”? Or the men who, for whatever reason, don’t end the toxic relationship and move on?

Each person is responsible for their own behavior and must hold themselves accountable on how they treat themselves and others. Only YOU can change your circumstances; only YOU can make yourself truly happy. Depending on someone else for your happiness will never make you happy: you will always be on that person’s “happiness” schedule. You will feel bereft most of the time until that shining moment when that person feels like making you happy. You will wait for that day, which may never come. If it does come, it’s short-lived and never enough: making you feel worse than before. The cycle continues over and over. This pattern is just like a junkie or an alcoholic. There is no hope in this; only suffering.

If you choose to dedicate your life to someone, they don’t have to do the same for you. When they don’t return that dedication, you feel bitter, that person feels smothered and the wheel of passive aggressive behavior continues until it boils over. More often than not, it boils over and results in violence against women and their children.

Ladies, empower yourself. Get all the happiness in life that you can. Life is too short to spend any time worrying about someone who doesn’t care about you. With that being said, here are ten more signs that it’s time to say goodbye to the toxic love in your life:

1.       He’s financially unstable.

They say money can’t buy happiness. That’s true. I’m a firm believer that a man doesn’t have to be “rich”; at least when it comes to dollars and cents. What I value more is that he’s rich in integrity, love and respect. However, times are hard and bills and obligations have to be met. Food needs to be brought and the rent has to be paid. With that kind of stress, every cog in a relationship has to be firing. If your man just wants to sit on the couch and play Xbox all day while you toil at 2 jobs just to make ends meet…it’s because he doesn’t give a damn about you. He won’t break up with you either because he gets to sit home all day on his butt and playXbox while you work 2 jobs to give him money. He’s using you as his own private welfare system. He’s a bum.

2.       He uses drugs and/or alcohol.

It’s embarrassing to always have to explain away your man’s behavior, especially if he was under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol at the time. I bet he even uses it as an excuse to you: “Baby, I couldn’t come home last night because me and whoever where drinking wherever and I got too drunk/stoned/high to come home and I passed out on whoever’s couch.” The following statement is NOT OKAY. It shows someone who is immature, irresponsible and dangerous to himself and others. All and all, not a man you’d want to be with.

3.       His treatment of you has deteriorated drastically after a very short time.

It always amazes me when I read the comments from women who have known their boyfriends for less than six months complain about how, “He used to be great in the beginning, but now he treats me like crap”. Ladies, we must learn the difference between infatuation and love! How can you “love” someone you’ve known for such a short time? Despite what fairy tales, television and movies has taught you in the past, there is no love at first sight. That’s called “infatuation”. Love comes from knowing a person inside and out: and takes more time than a couple of dates and a few nights together having sex. Love grows from a common appreciation of all things and a thorough understanding of each other’s mind. You love a person when you know that person is in your corner no matter what. You simply can’t get to that level of trust and love in a short time. If you really think it’s possible, than how did you come to this webpage now thinking about dumping the boyfriend you love?

4.       He treats you like dirt.

Disrespectful behavior, long absences, a lack of any meaningful communication…these are just a few examples of how someone will treat you if they don’t want to be with you. You may have asked yourself, “If he doesn’t want to be with me, why doesn’t he just break up with me?” The answer is simple: there is little insensitive for him to do so. He has in you a convenient doormat; a loyal dog that he can treat anyway he wants with little or no repercussions. He can live as if single and still have the option to call you anytime he wants and get thegirlfriend treatment from you. He’s covering all the bases so he never has to worry about being without a convenient, willing and accommodating doormat. He doesn’t care about your feelings: only his own. The more you give, the happier he is to receive. This man will never give back as much as he receives. He is a true leech of emotion and love. He depends on the fact that you won’t be woman enough to end it.

5.       He doesn’t want to talk about how you feel in the relationship.

Despite popular belief, real men have no problem talking about their feelings. Only someone who is an emotional baby can’t talk like an adult about their relationship, especially to someone who is supposed to be their partner. The reason he can’t/won’t discuss the issues you have is because if you voice them, you may come to finally realize what a loser he is and finally free yourself from his emotional grip.

Also beware of the man that plays mind games and tries to make it seem like you’re at fault: as if your feelings don’t matter, are invalid, or unfounded. These “Jedi Mind Tricks” is a common ruse to try to deflect you from your purpose of addressing issues. It’s also designed to lower your self esteem even more so that you get to the point where you become afraid of pushing him away by just talking.

6.       He makes cruel jokes at your expense.

It’s bad enough when you suspect someone you care about cuts you up to other people behind your back. When they start doing it to your face, it’s beyond time to go. What will it take, when he spits in your face? When he slaps you? Is this really the love you imagined for yourself as a little girl; a man that makes fun of you? When he does this, do you love him even then? Look into his eyes when he’s calling you fat or stupid or a whore. Do you see any love there? That’s his true face. The half-hearted apology he offers later is a straight-up front. He’s only acting when he’s nice to you; his true face is when he’s cutting you up with his words…the woman he supposedly loves.

7.       He doesn’t want to use protection.

Sexually transmitted diseases are real. Not all of them can be cured with a cream or a couple of pills. Some last a lifetime and eventually kill you. Some cause you to lose the ability to have children. An unwanted pregnancy brings a child into a horrible, loveless situation. Don’t think having his baby will change him: the pressures of raising a child does not make a man. When a man doesn’t care about your health, has unprotected sex with you, other women…he’s a ticking sexual time-bomb. Do you really need to have him that bad that you’re willing to DIE to be with him???

8.       He doesn’t appear in public with you.

He is so ashamed of his spineless, defeated girlfriend that even in public he shuns you. And you want him…why? Because he treated you nice once?

9.       You took the time to Google this article.

Girl, enough! How did you get here? Why are you still making excuses for trying to save your relationship? Are you hoping he’ll change? Are you hoping for a happy ending?

Stay with him, and you’ll never be happy. He’ll never change. It won’t get better. He won’t stop taking your money, cheating on you, disrespecting, lying to you, treating you like crap, etc. He won’t break up with you on his own because he can take your money, cheat on you, disrespect you, lie to you, treat you like crap, etc.

I want you to get up and go look in the mirror. If you love him more than the person you see, stay with him. Take the crumbs of his love he chooses to give you and be happy with that. Settle in for the long haul.

Or, do something to make that person (YOU!) smile again.

The choice is up to you.

A follow-up to “10 Signs You Should Dump Your Boyfriend“

A year and a half ago, I wrote an article, “10 Signs You Should Dump Your Boyfriend“. I had no idea that it would have such an impact on so many women. Women, young and old, have shared with me and others in the comments their toxic relationships and the difficulty they have had mustering their courage to leave behind men that obviously not only don’t love/care for them, but are toxic human beings. Some of the “relationships” have lasted for years, while others where only a few months old. Who is to blame for these toxic relationships? The women who desperately try to enact change in a man to get him to “act right”? Or the men who, for whatever reason, don’t end the toxic relationship and move on?

Each person is responsible for their own behavior and must hold themselves accountable on how they treat themselves and others. Only YOU can change your circumstances; only YOU can make yourself truly happy. Depending on someone else for your happiness will never make you happy: you will always be on that person’s “happiness” schedule. You will feel bereft most of the time until that shining moment when that person feels like making you happy. You will wait for that day, which may never come. If it does come, it’s short-lived and never enough: making you feel worse than before. The cycle continues over and over. This pattern is just like a junkie or an alcoholic. There is no hope in this; only suffering.

If you choose to dedicate your life to someone, they don’t have to do the same for you. When they don’t return that dedication, you feel bitter, that person feels smothered and the wheel of passive aggressive behavior continues until it boils over. More often than not, it boils over and results in violence against women and their children.

Ladies, empower yourself. Get all the happiness in life that you can. Life is too short to spend any time worrying about someone who doesn’t care about you. With that being said, here are ten more signs that it’s time to say goodbye to the toxic love in your life:

1.       He’s financially unstable.

They say money can’t buy happiness. That’s true. I’m a firm believer that a man doesn’t have to be “rich”; at least when it comes to dollars and cents. What I value more is that he’s rich in integrity, love and respect. However, times are hard and bills and obligations have to be met. Food needs to be brought and the rent has to be paid. With that kind of stress, every cog in a relationship has to be firing. If your man just wants to sit on the couch and play Xbox all day while you toil at 2 jobs just to make ends meet…it’s because he doesn’t give a damn about you. He won’t break up with you either because he gets to sit home all day on his butt and playXbox while you work 2 jobs to give him money. He’s using you as his own private welfare system. He’s a bum.

2.       He uses drugs and/or alcohol.

It’s embarrassing to always have to explain away your man’s behavior, especially if he was under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol at the time. I bet he even uses it as an excuse to you: “Baby, I couldn’t come home last night because me and whoever where drinking wherever and I got too drunk/stoned/high to come home and I passed out on whoever’s couch.” The following statement is NOT OKAY. It shows someone who is immature, irresponsible and dangerous to himself and others. All and all, not a man you’d want to be with.

3.       His treatment of you has deteriorated drastically after a very short time.

It always amazes me when I read the comments from women who have known their boyfriends for less than six months complain about how, “He used to be great in the beginning, but now he treats me like crap”. Ladies, we must learn the difference between infatuation and love! How can you “love” someone you’ve known for such a short time? Despite what fairy tales, television and movies has taught you in the past, there is no love at first sight. That’s called “infatuation”. Love comes from knowing a person inside and out: and takes more time than a couple of dates and a few nights together having sex. Love grows from a common appreciation of all things and a thorough understanding of each other’s mind. You love a person when you know that person is in your corner no matter what. You simply can’t get to that level of trust and love in a short time. If you really think it’s possible, than how did you come to this webpage now thinking about dumping the boyfriend you love?

4.       He treats you like dirt.

Disrespectful behavior, long absences, a lack of any meaningful communication…these are just a few examples of how someone will treat you if they don’t want to be with you. You may have asked yourself, “If he doesn’t want to be with me, why doesn’t he just break up with me?” The answer is simple: there is little incentive for him to do so. He has in you a convenient doormat; a loyal dog that he can treat anyway he wants with little or no repercussions. He can live as if he’s single and still have the option to call you anytime he wants and get the girlfriend treatment from you. He’s covering all the bases so he never has to worry about being without a convenient, willing and accommodating woman. He doesn’t care about your feelings: only his own. The more you give, the happier he is to receive. This man will never give back as much as he receives. He is a true leech of emotion and love. He depends on the fact that you won’t be woman enough to end it.

5.       He doesn’t want to talk about how you feel in the relationship.

Despite popular belief, real men have no problem talking about their feelings. Only someone who is an emotional baby can’t talk like an adult about their relationship, especially to someone who is supposed to be their partner. The reason he can’t/won’t discuss the issues you have is because if you voice them, you may come to finally realize what a loser he is and finally free yourself from his emotional grip.

Also beware of the man that plays mind games and tries to make it seem like you’re at fault: as if your feelings don’t matter, are invalid, or unfounded. These “Jedi Mind Tricks” is a common ruse to try to deflect you from your purpose of addressing issues. It’s also designed to lower your self esteem even more so that you get to the point where you become afraid of pushing him away by just talking.

6.       He makes cruel jokes at your expense.

It’s bad enough when you suspect someone you care about cuts you up to other people behind your back. When they start doing it to your face, it’s beyond time to go. What will it take, when he spits in your face? When he slaps you? Is this really the love you imagined for yourself as a little girl; a man that makes fun of you? When he does this, do you love him even then? Look into his eyes when he’s calling you fat or stupid or a whore. Do you see any love there? That’s his true face. The half-hearted apology he offers later is a straight-up front. He’s only acting when he’s nice to you; his true face is when he’s cutting you up with his words…the woman he supposedly loves.

7.       He doesn’t want to use protection.

Sexually transmitted diseases are real. Not all of them can be cured with a cream or a couple of pills. Some last a lifetime and eventually kill you. Some cause you to lose the ability to have children. An unwanted pregnancy brings a child into a horrible, loveless situation. Don’t think having his baby will change him: the pressures of raising a child does not make a man. When a man doesn’t care about your health, has unprotected sex with you, other women…he’s a ticking sexual time-bomb. Do you really need to have him that bad that you’re willing to DIE to be with him???

8.       He doesn’t appear in public with you.

He is so ashamed of his spineless, defeated girlfriend that even in public he shuns you. And you want him…why? Because he treated you nice once?

9.       You took the time to Google this article.

Girl, enough! How did you get here? Why are you still making excuses for trying to save your relationship? Are you hoping he’ll change? Are you hoping for a happy ending?

Stay with him, and you’ll never be happy. He’ll never change. It won’t get better. He won’t stop taking your money, cheating on you, disrespecting, lying to you, treating you like crap, etc. He won’t break up with you on his own because he can take your money, cheat on you, disrespect you, lie to you, treat you like crap, etc.

I want you to get up and go look in the mirror. If you love him more than the person you see, stay with him. Take the crumbs of his love he chooses to give you and be happy with that. Settle in for the long haul.

Or, do something to make that person (YOU!) smile again.

The choice is up to you.