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What keeps an abused wife in a marriage for a long time? A lot of things. But it’s mainly the kids. The cycle of domestic violence also allows for respite from the abuse.  There’s the abuse, then the pleading for forgiveness and wooing of their wives, before becoming abusive again.  Here are clues on possible wife beaters:

1. Highly romantic, sweet, and protective. Especially early on in their relationships, abusive men lavish their women gifts during courtship. This is because they see women as trophies to be won over and objects to possess, and not people to enter equal partnerships with.
2. Controlling. They tell a woman what clothes to wear, which people she can see, and where she can go. They practice a punch-card relationship their women must check in with them where they are and what they are doing all the time. They have the final say in any decision.
3. Encourage dependence. They discourage women from advancing their careers and see a woman’s financial independence as an affront to their manhood. Financial dependence is an instrument of control over women.
4. Early signs of violence.  As boyfriends, they often tap, nudge, or place their hand on their girlfriend’s shoulders during arguments. This need to lay a finger or grab a hold of their partner often foreshadow their heavy-handed ways.
5. Demands special treatment. He eats foods different from hers and has access to resources she does not.
6. Name-caller.  An abusive husband often puts down and embarrasses his wife, calling her stupid, lazy, fat, or ugly. He often does this in front of their children. He not only undermines her self-esteem, he ruins her stature among her own children as well.
7. Manipulative dad. Abusive men often dote on their children with lavish affection to get them on their side. They manipulate impressionable children into rejecting their own mother. When a wife threatens to leave, wife-beaters often hold their children hostage to keep her in her place.